Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Simplify

sim·pli·fy  

tr.v. sim·pli·fied, sim·pli·fy·ing, sim·pli·fies

To make simple or simpler, as:

a. To reduce in complexity or extent.

b. To reduce to fundamental parts.

c. To make easier to understand.



Simplify.  Such a small word – but one that has a huge meaning for me right now.  God has been bringing this one word to my mind daily for the past several weeks. 



I have already written about how God has been working in my heart in regards to how much “stuff” I have and also that I have made the decision to not buy any clothes, shoes, etc. for myself throughout this entire year.  After being so deeply convicted about the amounts of “stuff” in my life, this prompted me to start getting rid of some of that stuff.  I just really felt like God wanted me to do this so I started thinking about where I should start.  I kept hearing Him say, “Simplify” - just that one word.  I had already recently gone through my clothes and shoes and gotten rid of tons of stuff I don’t wear anymore by giving things away, selling some to a consignment shop, and donating the rest to our local Volunteers of America thrift store.  Since I didn’t need to do that again, I decided to start de-cluttering my entire house.  I plan to do this one room at a time in the next several months.  I started with my kitchen last week, which resulted in me thinking that it would be easier to just light my house on fire and start all over.  Way to be positive though, right?! ;)  I am AMAZED at the amounts of stuff that we have accumulated in the almost 9 years that we have lived in this house – keep in mind that this is a thought that popped into my head after doing one room in my house – ONE – just imagine what the rest of my house is like.  (This is why we never invite people over – I wish I were joking)  Granted, most of the mess and clutter in my house is hidden behind closet doors, in the attic, the basement or the garage, but still – it’s ridiculously embarrassing. 



While I have been focused on this new project of mine, all I have been hearing is God saying, “Simplify, Nat.  I want you to simplify your life.  Simplify.”  So I thought, “Yeah, God, I hear you.  I’m doing it.  I’ve already started.”  And he kept saying, “Simplify, Nat.  Simplify your life.”  To which I thought, “Really, God?  Do you HAVE to keep telling me this?  I already started!  Can’t you see I’m working on it??”  Then he said again, “Simplify.  Simplify your life.”  At this point, I was seriously getting a little irritated and I thought, “Ok, God.  I get the message.  Do you REALLY think I’m THAT dense?”  And then guess what He said again.  Yep, you guessed it!  But this time, it was different.  He emphasized a word and He added a little more to it.  He said, “Simplify, Nat.  Simplify your LIFE – not just your home.”  Whoa.  That one made me literally stop what I was doing at that moment.  It all made sense to me now. 



Let me tell you a little about my life.  I have a very busy schedule.  SO busy.   Way too busy.  ALL.THE.TIME.  I barely have time to breathe.  I am a wife and mom, I work a full-time job, I am a full-time college student, I am involved in my church, and I have family and friends to spend time with.  Trying to make time for all of that, every single week, is a little rough.  There are weeks when I literally do not have one single evening at home with my family – and it is really starting to wear on me.  This past holiday season was the first time I had a break from it all since LAST holiday season.  And it was incredible – I had a few days where I had absolutely NOTHING that I had to do and I could just enjoy my family.  I was able to cook dinner for my family nearly every day.  I felt SO relaxed, happy and stress-free.  My husband says I was like a different person – well if that’s not depressing, I don’t know what is!  I thought, “Am I normally THAT miserable to live with?”  Excuse me while I go jump off a cliff somewhere.



I am stressed more often than not.  And stress causes a lot of negative effects on me.  It makes me grumpy, irritable, and emotional and it also weakens my immune system.  I get sick very easily anymore.  I can’t even tell you how many times I have already been sick this winter.  I woke up this past Monday morning with a stomach virus that had already gone through the rest of my family – but I still went to work.  While I was at work I had to run to the bathroom a couple of times in between answering the phone and getting caught up on office work.  At one point I was literally sitting on the floor in the back of the office eating saltine crackers.  While I was sitting there, I remembered what God had told me.  I ended up making myself leave work early to go home and rest.  I crashed on my couch for a few hours and then I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I got up and made dinner for my family and baked brownies (there is seriously something WRONG with me!!).  Then I felt like I was going to die, so back to the couch I went. 



Then, the other day, someone asked me to do something one evening this week and I told them “no.”  At least it’s a step in the right direction.



I do believe this is what God was trying to tell me.  I need to manage my time better.  I need to spend more time at home with my family.  I need to start saying “no” more.  I need to reprioritize.  I need to simplify my life.  In as many areas as possible.  I am still praying about exactly what all I need to cut back on in my life and I covet your prayers for me as well. 



Here’s to having a simpler wardrobe.  A simpler home.  A simpler life.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

On the verge


I feel like I’m on the verge of something.  Something big.  I have never been so excited for a new year to begin, and it’s not because 2012 was a bad year – it had its ups and downs for me, but it wasn’t overall a bad year.  I feel like I have grown so much over the past several months.  God has been working on my heart more than He ever has before and while it has been a slow and painful process, it has been the best time of my life so far.  I feel like God is just stripping me of so much of the ugly in my life – like He is just trying to empty me of all of the things I’ve been holding inside for so long and also emptying me of so many things that are not pleasing to Him.  And when I say, “stripping”, I DO mean “stripping” – to the point of making me feel completely raw and vulnerable and…open. 

Last Sunday, we had a guest speaker, Aaron Taylor at our church and he was talking about what it means to be a Christ follower.   So much of what he said were things that I have heard all my life, but this time I really listened.  It’s kind of like when you have read the same scripture verse a hundred times and it doesn’t really mean much to you and then all of a sudden, one day, you read that exact verse for the hundred and first time and it’s like a light bulb comes on and it speaks to your heart like it never has before.  That’s what this message was like for me.  I have heard over and over what it means to follow Christ.  I have heard over and over the stories of Jesus’ disciples and how they just left everything to follow Christ.   But I just never got it.  Until now.  I had never taken being a follower of Christ to a personal level.  Until now.  As this guest speaker continued to talk, he said something that really struck a chord with me.  I can’t quote him word for word but he said that we should be following Christ so closely that His desires become our desires, and His wants our wants.  When he said that, I literally thought in my head, “Yes!  That’s what I have been feeling!  That’s what is happening in my life right now!”  I feel like the past several months God has been trying to rid me of myself – rid me of my wants and my own selfish desires (and God knows I’ve had a LOT of them).  But it’s been such a long, slow process, that I haven’t really realized or understood exactly what is happening.  Until now.

God has been working on me so much, convicting me of sin in my life, and making me so aware of my selfishness, that I have been so wrapped up in dealing with my “issues” that I haven’t even noticed or realized until now how much closer it has brought me to Him and how much He is changing my heart.  His desires are becoming my desires, and His wants my wants.  And that is an incredible feeling that I can’t even describe.

So this is where I am.  Raw.  Vulnerable.  Open.  I feel like God is preparing me for something big this year.  I don’t know what it is but I’m ready and I’m excited!

I’ll keep you posted. ;)