It's worth it

I’m sitting on my couch with my two little boys right now while they are watching a movie before bedtime.  Things are quiet and peaceful right now and I am feeling blessed and thankful for this time with them.

You’d never guess that a couple of hours ago I was in the middle of a knock-down drag-out argument with my defiant 7 year old.  This little man has been challenging me so much lately.  He is 7 going on 17.  He gets upset when he doesn’t get his way.  (I do, too, but I’ve learned that I can’t throw a fit about it - but he is still in that learning stage - obviously).  Sometimes we go round and round about things and this kid does not back down easily.  He is stubborn and defiant.  I have to explain to him why he isn’t allowed to behave this way and that sometimes we cannot always have what we want.   Then I explain to him that he will be punished for the way he has acted.  Which only makes him more upset and then his punishment gets larger.  It is exhausting.  Sometimes I wish I could just give in and give him what he wants because it would just be easier and I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  But I know I can’t do that.  So I stand my ground with him.  And then I go lock myself in the bathroom and cry.  I’m kidding.  I haven’t done that in a while.

Tonight’s argument was about dinner.  Landon wanted McDonald’s and I told him no.  He threw a fit, I punished him, and then gave him two choices.  He could stay in his room and have a bad attitude, not eat dinner and go to bed, or he could change his attitude, come out of his room, eat dinner, and enjoy the rest of his evening before bed.  I left him alone to think about it and after a few minutes, he made the right decision.  I made him dinner and he has been the most pleasant little guy since.

While he and Carter were eating their dinner, I sat in the kitchen and spent some time with God.  I knew I needed to at that moment because I needed to vent to Him before I started to take things out on my boys.  I felt like I was falling apart.  I’m tired.  I’m emotional.  I’m discouraged.  I feel drained.  I’ve had a really long, hard, stressful few days at work so far this week and I am just DONE.  I came home from being stressed at work to having this confrontation with Landon and I just wanted to give up.

While I was in my kitchen, I was reading my Bible through tears.  I was reading Jeremiah 31 and these verses just jumped out at me: “3b I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.  4a I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt…   16 This is what the Lord says: “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord.”  It was like God was speaking right to my heart.  Sometimes I feel like all of my hard work is for nothing – as a Mom, at my job, with school – but God reminded me that my “work will be rewarded.”  I just need to hang in there.

Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had.  It pushes me and challenges me every day in ways that I have never been pushed and challenged before.  It is exhausting and hard work at times.  But it’s worth it.  You know how I know that?  Because when I tucked Landon into bed and prayed with him just now, I talked about the argument we had because I wanted to make sure that he knew that I love him and that when I say, “no” to things, I’m not trying to be mean.  And he said, “I know. Hey, Mom?  I’m sorry.  I love you.”  And then he gave me the biggest, tightest, hug ever.  And that’s how I know it’s worth it.