Why I'm Going to Counseling

Self-care.  Something that was drilled into my head in most of my counseling related college courses.  And yet, I still haven’t fully “gotten it” yet.  I talk about the importance of self-care nearly every day in my field as a substance abuse counselor, but I’ll admit, sometimes I’m guilty of not practicing what I preach (aren’t we all, though?). 

I remember one of my college professors telling me that the average burn out rate for a counselor is 2 years.  2 years!  I’m already past that point, which blows my mind in so many ways.  Since I have been working in this field, I have tried very hard to be purposed about self-care, but life has a way of completely taking over sometimes, and before I know it, I feel like I’m struggling to keep my head above water.

I’ve tried doing all of the typical self-care things such as getting enough sleep, being mindful about what I eat and drink, being physically active (so hard for me in the winter), having daily time with Jesus, spending one-on-one time with my husband, spending quality time with family, and doing things that I enjoy.  But sometimes, even those things aren’t enough. 

I’ve been working on a new self-care plan for myself, which includes a couple of additional ways to try and keep my sanity intact and keep myself mentally healthy.  As I’ve started implementing these two things though, I’ve been amazed at the guilt I have felt.  Sometimes this guilt is brought on by comments from people around me, and sometimes it’s simply self-inflicted. 

Let me tell you something about myself: Sometimes I think I can do it all.  Sometimes I think I SHOULD be able to do it all.  But you know what?  I can’t.  So one thing I’ve started working on in the past 6 months or so, is being better about saying “No.”  But not just saying no.  Saying no and not feeling guilty about it.  I have this bad habit of saying yes to too many things and I end up stretching myself so thin that I begin neglecting the most important things (and people) in my life, and I find myself well on my way to a nervous break-down.

For me, this means saying no to certain volunteer activities (including at church), saying no to friends or even extended family members, and saying no to cleaning my house right this second and allowing myself to rest instead.  None of those things that I’m saying no to are bad or unhealthy things.  Some of them are even things that I would enjoy.  But when saying yes to any of those things means that I’m neglecting my immediate family or neglecting taking care of myself…I’m going to be heading down a path that leads to unhealthiness for me.

When I started saying no to things more, I couldn’t believe the guilt I felt.  Worrying about what people would think.  Worried that people would say I’m not doing enough or helping enough.  But then, me and Jesus hashed things out.  Now, I don’t feel guilt over saying no.  I’m doing what is best for myself and my family.  And if others view that as being “selfish,” that’s their problem, not mine. 

The second thing I’ve started doing is going to a counselor on a regular basis.  And whoa.  Talk about taboo!  A counselor needs counseling??  I’ve tried to be open about the fact that I’m going to counseling and the following are some responses I’ve gotten:

-        “For yourself??”

-        “What’s wrong?”

-        “Did something happen?”

-        “Why?? Are you ok?”

Holy cow, friends.  Yes, for myself.  Nothing’s wrong.  Nothing “happened.”  Yes, I’m ok.  But I want to STAY ok.  You feel me?  I want to be a healthy individual spiritually, physically, emotionally, AND mentally.  If I’m not doing what I need to do to stay healthy, not only do I suffer, but my family and my clients suffer.  And right now, those are the things that have to be high on my priority list. 

Sometimes, we just need someone to talk to and process things with.  And sometimes, we need a professional to do that with.  Yes, I can talk to my husband, family, and close friends, but for me, sometimes, I need someone who is completely on the outside.  Someone who is unbiased and can just listen without having to offer advice or try to “fix it.”  Some things can’t be helped with advice or fixing.  Some things just need support and a listening ear. 

I would love for the stigma of mental health to be erased or at least minimized.  Is that too much to ask, friends?  Do me a favor and try to be open-minded.  Just because someone is seeing a counselor, it doesn’t mean they’re crazy.  It doesn’t mean they are mentally or emotionally unstable.  It doesn’t mean they are weak.  In fact, I think it means the opposite.  It takes strength and humility to be vulnerable and to show our weaknesses.  Please do what you can to avoid adding to the guilt, shame, and even embarrassment that has been tagged onto mental health care.  Instead of questioning why someone is going to counseling (or saying no to things), pray for them.  Say, “That’s awesome!  Good for you!”  Maybe that’s one small way we can all make a difference together. 

Life is hard, guys.  Marriage is hard.  Parenting is hard.  Relationships are hard.  Church is hard.  Having a job is hard.  Paying bills is hard.  Dealing with people is hard.  It’s ok to ask for help.  And it’s even more ok to not feel guilty about it.