It's not about me - it's all about Him.

I grew up in a small, very conservative, very traditional Southern Baptist Church where my dad was pastor.  It was the kind of church where you always wore your “Sunday best” – definitely nobody wearing jeans on a Sunday morning.  We had a piano and an organ – no guitars and definitely no drums.  I’m not saying that any of those things are bad or wrong or that I regret growing up in such a church.  What was most important (and still is) was that my dad preached the Word of God, and when it comes down to it – that is what really matters in a church – to have a leader who unwaveringly preaches the truth of the Bible. 

Our church sang a handful of worship songs, but we mostly sang songs from hymnals.  I don’t remember ever actually engaging in worship in my old church.  And honestly, I don’t think I really understood what it meant to worship God through music.  I was too busy reading the music in my hymnal (I usually sang alto) to think about the words I was actually singing and what worship actually means.  I never raised my hands in worship and for the most part, nobody in my church did.  I remember a few people that would occasionally raise their hands while they were singing but I didn’t understand the purpose of it.  I just didn’t get it.

When our family started attending Lancaster Community Church (where we are members now), my understanding of worship totally changed.  The very first time we visited LCC, I kid you not, my eyes were probably like saucers the entire time.  Everything was so different from what I was accustomed to!  There was a worship band with acoustic guitars, bass guitars, big speakers and DRUMS!  It was so loud and SO not traditional!  People were raising their hands in worship all over the place, people were jumping up and down, people were shouting and whistling and praising God – it was crazy!  I was completely blown away and I LOVED it!  I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to be a part of this church.  But I was definitely NOT about to join these “crazy worshipers” and raise my hands and act like them!  And I didn’t – not for a long time. 

I loved worship time at LCC every Sunday.  I loved the songs we sang, I loved the voices of the worship leaders, I loved the rockin’ bands, and I loved everyone’s excitement about worshiping their Savior.  The longer we attended, the more comfortable I began to feel, but I still didn’t feel comfortable raising my hands or anything of that nature – even though I REALLY wanted to!  The idea of doing it was SO out of my comfort zone and I didn’t want people to stare at me (like anybody was even watching me!).  So I continued to stay “comfortable” and be a “quiet” worshiper. 

After we had been attending LCC for about a year and a half, we had what was called a Worship Summit one Sunday evening.  It was going to be a service full of different kinds of worship – worship through music, through communion, through art and through prayer.  I really had no idea what to expect of this worship service and to be honest, I was kind of anxious going into it.  In the weeks leading up to this special service, the Holy Spirit had been convicting me like crazy – not specifically about worship but about completely surrendering my life to Him – giving Him ALL of me.  I knew that I had been holding myself back from Him for years and so much of it was out of fear.  I was terrified that if I completely gave God ALL of me, every single aspect of my life, that He would ask me to do something that I didn’t want to do – something that was way out of my comfort zone.  I don’t really know why I had this fear or where it came from, but it was something that was in the back of my mind for several years.

At the beginning of the Worship Summit, we sang several worship songs and I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit like I’d never felt before.  After we sang, we had a time where we could go around to different stations in the sanctuary.  We could just sit and pray, take communion, write down prayer requests and praises, or draw pictures to express something we were feeling.  I remember just sitting with Phil for several minutes.  We were leaning on each other, crying, talking and praying together.  When I think back on that time, I always recall what an incredible moment that was for the two of us, and how special it was and still is to me.  We then visited the different stations around the sanctuary before ending the service with more worship songs.  When we started singing again, I was so overcome with emotion.  I knew that God wanted me.  ALL of me.  And I couldn’t hold back any longer.  I told God right then and there that I wanted to give myself to Him completely – I gave Him everything – every situation – every reservation - every thought – every fear – I laid them all at His feet and said, “I’m yours, God.”  Immediately, it was like a huge burden was lifted off of my shoulders.  I remember we were singing, “Let it Rain” by Jesus Culture.  The chorus says, “Let it rain, let it rain.  Open the floodgates of Heaven.  Let it rain, let it rain.  Open the floodgates of Heaven.  Let it rain, let it rain.”  As we were singing those words, I raised both of my hands in the air, tears were streaming down my face and I could literally feel the Holy Spirit “raining” on me.  I had never experienced something so freeing and peaceful!  I kept my hands raised up to my Savior for the remainder of the worship time and I could not stop crying because I was so overwhelmed with God’s love for me.  That night, I got it.  I understood what true worship means.  I understood that raising my hands in worship was not about ME!  It was about HIM!  ONLY HIM!  That’s what it has always been about!  What an incredible feeling to raise my hands in praise to the One who saved me and covered me with His Grace – the One who still covers me with His Grace every single day!

And that was when my life changed.  That was when I became one of those “crazy worshipers.”  Now, every time I sing worship songs, I raise my hands to my God.  I literally can’t keep my hands at my sides anymore!  I find myself raising my hands in my car when I’m listening to worship music – and I don’t even care if people that pass me think I’m crazy or if my boys are in the back seat thinking that their mommy has lost her mind!  It’s not about me - it’s all about Him!