You are never too old to learn

School.  Just that single word in and of itself, terrifies me sometimes.  Growing up I hated school.  With a passion.  I didn’t hate every second of it, but for the most part, I hated it.  I hated math.  I hated science.  I hated history.  I hated social studies. 

The reason I didn’t enjoy school had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I was homeschooled, nor did it have anything to do with my teachers (aka my parents).  I didn’t enjoy it because I sucked at it.  Learning wasn’t easy for me.  I could read something over and over and then have to answer a question about what I just read, and I couldn’t answer the question.  I just had a hard time comprehending and remembering things.  Even if I did know the correct answer, I wouldn’t say it because I was afraid that I was wrong and I didn’t want my older siblings to laugh or make fun of me.  I hated being wrong. 

Math was always my most difficult subject.  It still is.  I remember when I started learning multiplication I just could not get it.  One afternoon, my mom made me go upstairs to my bedroom and she told me I had to stay in there until I memorized my times tables.  I stayed in my room for hours working on them.  And then I fell asleep.  My dad had to wake me up and carry me downstairs to the dinner table.  I didn’t get them all memorized in that one afternoon, but I did eventually get it – after lots of work.

It’s a miracle that I graduated high school and that I passed the GED.  Seriously a miracle.  When I was finally finished, I swear I heard the hallelujah chorus.  I was so glad to be done!  NO MORE SCHOOL!  EVER!  I mentioned in a previous post that college was not really encouraged in my house, and I was MORE than ok with that.  I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I didn’t want to go to college.  More school??  Are you kidding me??  No thank you!

So guess what.  I’m thirty and I’m in college.  I know.  I can’t believe it either.  I tell ya what…God is hilarious.  Never in a million years would I have ever dreamed that I would choose to go back to school.  But sometimes God’s plans are not our plans. 

A couple of years ago, I was in a rut.  A big one.  I just felt stuck.  Like I was just aimlessly wandering through life with no real purpose or goals.  I have a really good job and I don't hate it.  I actually like my job and I love the people I work with.  I’m just not passionate about what I do.  I just felt like I wanted to do more with my life, ya know?  I found myself thinking, “Is this it, God?”  One evening, I was washing dishes and I was thinking about what I wanted to do - what I was really passionate about.  I knew that I was passionate about helping people.  I have always had a heavy burden for hurting and troubled people.  I have always been a good listener and the type of person that people tend to open up to and pour their hearts out to.  Not because I ask them to.  They just come to me.  And I listen.  I don’t usually say much, but I do let them know that I support them and that I am there for them.  As I was doing the dishes, I suddenly had an epiphany that I needed to get into some kind of counseling field.  And then I thought, “OK.  Now what?”  And then God spoke to me probably more clearly than He ever has and He said, “I want you to go to school.”  I almost started laughing right there in the kitchen all by myself.  Me, go to school??  Haha.  You have GOT to be kidding me!  But He definitely wasn’t kidding.  I couldn’t get it out of my head.  I finally talked to Phil about it and he was completely on board.  Then I talked to my parents about it and they were excited about the possibility.  So I started looking into it.  I looked at several schools online and decided that Ohio Christian University was going to be the best choice for me.  I met with an academic advisor, applied, enrolled, and a few months later, I started classes.  It all happened so quickly and everything went so smoothly, that I knew that this was what God wanted for me – and I felt an incredible peace knowing that.

And it’s a good thing I had that peace, because I was TERRIFIED.  I was so nervous and anxious before starting my first class.  When I get nervous, I get sick to my stomach, and I get sweaty and shaky – it’s terrible!  But I did it.  And I’m still doing it – 19 months later.  I will graduate with an Associate’s Degree in Business Management in September 2013.  Then I plan to continue on to get a Bachelor’s Degree to keep working towards my goal of becoming a counselor.  It’s going to take me a long time to reach my goal – but I’m determined to not give up.

I have had a lot of people ask me how I do it.  How I can go to school while juggling work, my family, and church activities.  I tell them that with God’s help, I take it one day at a time, one class at a time.  And I definitely could not do it without the support of my husband and my family – and absolutely not without the help of my brother who is my math tutor!

If you are reading this and you are considering going back to school but you are too scared or you think it’s too late - do it!  I promise you will not regret it.  I can honestly say that I am now a more confident person because of the choice I made.  I am not saying that it has been an easy road.  I get completely stressed and overwhelmed at times.  And sometimes I just feel like giving up.  But I have to choose not to - every time.  And it is so worth it!

I still hate math.  I still hate science.  But I don’t hate school anymore.  I now love learning, and knowing that I am becoming a more educated person, is a great feeling!  Before I started school, in my mind, the only thing I had going for me was the fact that I could read, write, and I’m a good speller.  But ya know what?  Some of my professors can’t even spell!  We all have certain things that we are good at, and other things that we’re…not so good at it.  But I’m telling you, if I can do it, you can do it – I really mean that!

Don’t ever believe that you aren’t smart enough, strong enough, or young enough.  You are smarter than you think, stronger than you think, and you are never too old to learn.